my life story

Story of my life, video 78, why now? So I was watching her, this video of her. I've been watching, like, her channel a lot yesterday. I don't know. It came up in my recommendations, a video of like cultural difference between Spain and Finland or something like that.

And I watched all of her channel because she's like a very good communicator and she tells the way she talks is interesting to watch. So, yeah, I I essentially watched basically half of her channel. But this video, like, the video where he talks about her story of going from Finland to Spain and how, like, she got here was pretty interesting. And, yeah, I liked the way she told it. And, also, I'm cooking some stuff up of, like yeah.

I may announce it here or I maybe won't announce it, but I don't know. Yeah. But, essentially, I'm cooking something up and, yeah, I like, essentially, like, I guess, helping people on YouTube and that kind of stuff. And her story is like something that I really liked in, and that really inspired me to, like, write something up that could be helpful for her, you know, like how I would approach her, yeah, her her YouTube stuff, her YouTube channel, and all that within the context of of this, yeah, within the context of her life because, essentially, he told she told her life, And I was like and that inspired me to be like, damn. With all this information that I've accumulated, through her videos and all that, I was like, and all the channels that are similar to hers, for example, this Rachel and Janet, which is a girl who moved from the States to Spain and also talks about Spain and some she's also done some cultural differences video that I assume why her channel got recommended to me in the first place.

But since I have like this kind of mental map of her or her of her life, of her YouTube channel, of what she's done of also like her social media presence or on YouTube and like on I've watched like a couple of TikToks and a couple of Instagram posts or whatever. And I'm like, Yeah, I think I can get a picture of of like what her life was essentially, because she's she's told her. She's, like, been pretty open about it. Right? So I got, like, the same idea of, I'm doing this for her, but my life is like pretty stale at the moment.

So, like, why don't I don't I do this same thing that I'm doing for her, but for my own talking life. Right? So I'm like going to essentially explain my life. And, yeah, I'm going to tell the story of my life so that I can rewatch it and see if that inspires me. And, yeah, it makes me, I don't know, some kind of may.

Yeah. Like if like rewatching back puts me in kind of analytical mode or whatever or like connections starts coming in and I'm going and I go like, Oh, I have been missing this x thing all along and I could make a YouTube video about it or I could write a couple of tweets about it or I could make a Twitter to say about it or I could, I don't know, upload an Instagram pitch. I don't know. Or maybe do something in real life instead of in socials. I don't know.

But yeah, maybe I get some ideas of what to do. So, yeah, I'm going to start telling the story of my life after a pause. I'm going to pause and then I'm going to unpause, I guess. So the beginning, I was born July 28th, 1997. It was a Monday about 8:30.

Okay. Too much detail. Yeah. So I was born there in Madrid City, like, capital of Spain, and essentially, yeah, my parents, I think, were, like, sharing a bedroom with people or sharing a flat with other people and, yeah, living, I guess, in the same bedroom. I don't know.

I'm not exactly sure about the details, but, yeah, they were living like they're in Madrid and then they looked for places, I guess, to move out alone with the kid, which was me and probably accidental, by the way. And I guess since they were like sharing a flat, I guess you don't like look for a child. It's deduced by the circumstances, not, I guess, strictly told maybe. I don't know. But essentially, accidental birth, first born of 2 siblings.

My brother is 2 years younger. I eat and he's also a brother. He's a brother. The sister. Okay.

And yeah, moved to a smaller town, not close to Madrid, pretty far, 50 kilometers away. And then for a couple of years, then moved to another town, which is my town, the town where I've spent basically the rest of my life. I could say what it is. I won't say it right now. Maybe it will come up later.

But, yeah, it's the same. If I talk about one town and then I say the name of the town or you see it on my YouTube history or whatever, it is it's that town. And I've been here all my life, really, except for a couple of periods. Yeah. The first period was, like, those 2 5th years that I don't remember because I was a baby.

And then, yeah, maybe 6 months that I spent in Germany, I will get to it later and that stuff. So, essentially, all of the childhood that I remember is in my town. 1st oh, context, my parents. My dad was a translator, well, still is. And my mom, she was a nurse and no longer is.

She's done also several things. A lot of things. It's been like a masseuse, like doing messages, like regular messages. And yeah. She's taught Japanese.

She's Japanese. My my dad is Spanish. And, yeah, well, basically, essentially, that will work for now. Then. From.

Okay. I maybe I'm going maybe going to do this. So. Okay. I've thought of something, and it is that, essentially, the video that I was talking about, her video was very like kind of the common thread was makeup and she kind of did thread everything into makeup somewhat, and I don't have a thread that kind of thread yet.

So I'm not going to thread anything, essentially. I'm going to just talk about faces, which is worse from a storytelling point of view. But, yeah, let's see what comes up from that. Oh, yes. Since I was a kid, and my childhood, I kind of, I guess, divided in the houses that I've been.

And I've lived in 3 places all in the same town that I remember. So before in the small, smaller town, because it is a smaller town that is like more up in the mountains in Madrid. And then I moved to a town that is kind of in the mountains, but it's not really in the mountains. It's like lower down. And I'm right now in that town and in that town that I've lived for all my life that I remember, I've lived in 3 different houses.

The first one was a smallish flat. Well, the flat is, I guess. It's not it's not that small, but a smallish flat with my brother, sharing a room with my brother. And that's my basically, my childhood home until I was I don't remember the exact dates, but, yeah, essentially, when I was very, very small, I guess from like 2 years old to like maybe 8 years old tops, something like that. Then from that age until adolescence, essentially, maybe when I was 14 or 13, that age, I lived in a in a flat in a different, I guess you could call it, suburb.

In Spain, we call it urbanization. So it's basically it's not in the center of the town. It's on the outside. And the first, flat was on our organization really far away from the town. Basically, like walking to the town was possible, but the organization was pretty pretty up, like, pretty elevated compared to, like, the town.

And it was basically maybe a 30 minute walk. But the 30 minute walk upwards, I'm not sure if it was 30 minutes because, yeah, it was a pretty steep hill. It's like a pretty steep walk up. So, yeah, that first down, the the that first flat was like up there. Then the second flat was he was here in in this this same organization, but it was a flat and it was small.

And I also shared the room with my brother. Probably the room was bigger. I don't really remember the details of the first one, but and also I was smaller, so and then I moved here, which is a it's like a house, but it's not a house, just like a single independent house. There are like 4 houses. They put them together, but you get to like all of the floors of the house are mine.

My it's rented, but they're it's the same house. Okay. I guess they're called townhouses, but this is not in the town. It's in this kind of place. So in Spain we call it adosado because they are like close together, like attached to each other.

So I guess, yeah, semi detached houses or something like that. It's a semi detached house. It is not completely detached, but it is more detached that than others or more detached than a flat, just like houses above, below, and around, while mine only has houses like around. Well, in my case, only to one side also. But essentially, now we live here from, like, 14 yeah.

13, 14, I don't exactly remember, to like now, and I'm 26, so, yeah, 13 years. This is basically the house I remember the most, I guess. And in between, this house is, like, in 2019. Well yeah. Early 2019.

So from February well, from March to, like, August, I lived in Germany because I went to Erasmus there. So those are, like, the places I've lived. And now some stuff about my. Let's go back to the beginning. So in what did it happen in that small flat up above my town?

So, yeah, I remember yeah. It was pretty chill. My dad has always worked at home, but in that flat, we had, like, an attic. So my dad worked in the attic, and we were, like, my mom, my brother, and me. Well, not worked.

But when we were at home, we were, like, yeah, in in the regular house or in the regular flat. So the flat had an attic, and sometimes, for example, I remember stuff that I remember, for example, when my dad got got angry with, like, his computer and stuff like that. Let me pause. Yeah. So these are some pictures of me there in close to my PCD.

This is a thread I made about my computer, So, my relationship to computer because it is a deep relationship I have with them even if I don't really know a lot, but, yeah, I do have a deep relationship with them. So this is me, apparently, and yeah. Like I say here, my dad, yeah, my dad has always worked in a separate space. Essentially, he has his own room, essentially an office, basically, And he, yeah, he always works at home, but in his space. So in this first house, it was, like, really separate.

So it was a flat, and then the flat had an attic. And he worked at that at it, at that attic in that attic. And, yeah, I think I talked about here that my dad's computer broke down often, and I could hear, like, him screaming, like, or something or essentially, fuck this or, like, those kind of expressions when he was, like, really angry. And I guess, yeah, I would get, like, scared or something like that because, yeah, he would scream and he would, like, be, like, damn when they see screaming. And, yeah, he was screaming at the computer because, like, Windows ME apparently broke down a lot.

He had to, like, get new computers, or, like, reinstall the whole operating system, and he would, like, lose out the progress in his work work because he's a translator. So, yeah, he would translate stuff, and then the file would get corrupted. So he would have to redo the work again, And, yeah, he would, like, get really angry when stuff happened with the operating system. And, yeah, he also had, like, these UPS, I think they're called, like, power supplies that are separate and that give you, like, a little bit of headroom. So when you the power in your house goes down, like, he would have this kind of battery running, and he will be able to like control s and save the document and like turn up the computer.

So it doesn't like fuck up when the power cuts down. Right. Instead of, like, getting all the progress done. So he will and I assume that those are learnings from experience based on the screams that I heard, for example. So yeah.

I Yeah. He lived. Yeah. He worked there. And I remember, like, just being in the house a lot, in the house a lot and also, yeah, going outside and hanging out with the friends from that organization.

I remember some of them, and I think we must have had a PS 2 in that house. So, like, I don't remember when was the previous 2 Christmas, but I do remember having this. Yeah. I remember we had this, the Gran Turismo Platinum Edition. So this one.

So I assume we didn't get like the brand new release PS 2 or something like that. It was maybe, I guess, like, in the platinum release. So I don't know. Maybe December 4th or, like, May 26th. So I guess June 28th, like, a couple months after it released, really, or maybe a year after.

I don't know. But I do remember that I have a I had a neighbor that was really good at it, compared to me, for example, because I bought just the cheapest car because I thought it was a cute car and funny. And, yeah, I like a Honda City. I bought a Honda City, for example. I remember the same.

I don't know why, but the I bought I bought this Honda City and the 1st cup, the Sunday cup, I couldn't get past it. I couldn't win the Sunday cup with this Honda City, and I would like get the Honda City because I liked tuning and that stuff. I really liked like customizing cars. So I would get the Honda City. And.

I love this. I would get this car and, like, tune it, but because maybe because I was bad, but and coupled with the fact that this car is shit, I would I couldn't get past the Sunday cup, and I couldn't win. And yeah. My friend that friend of mine, he's called Javier. Maybe he sees this.

He was he's called Javier, and I call him Javier Brunette because he was from Brunette, which is a town which is pretty far away, I think. Because my town is kind of a town where people come in to have second homes. In Spain, I think there was some kind of phenomenon where people from the city or from other cities would buy a second home in these kind of places, in the mountains, I guess, to like chill or something like that even though this isn't really that chill, I guess. But yeah. Or isn't it?

There isn't like so much nature, I guess. But, yeah, people would would do that. And this is kind of a town where people from Madrid would come here to, I guess, have a second house and do, like, have have their barbecues and all that kind of stuff. But, yeah, me and in my current, like, neighborhood and in that, yeah, and I think in that, neighborhood too, People were like those kind of people. Like, there were and he was one of them, I think.

He was one of the people who, like, came in summer or, like, on weekends, sometimes to that house, but they they dipped and they didn't, like, live all of the time there. And, yeah, I do remember him and he, for example, bought the RX 7. So RX 7 g t four and I think no. Not this one. It was like the base fc r x 7, I think.

I'm not sure if this is one, but. But he would buy this car, which is much better and you don't have to do it a lot and you would essentially be able to like yeah. I would I could win the Sunday cup with this. You didn't need that much skill. My this is my my Gran Turismo play playthrough strategy is to basically buy a car that is so good that you don't have to drive well.

That's why I never learned, like, actual good driving technique because I just fucking bought best cars, kind of grinded the those, championship to get, like, money, bought another good car and grinded that one. Essentially did that or like got to s a to championship that you that you get a good price car that you can sell. So that that's what I did in Gran Turismo 5 too. So for example, I was on Gran Turismo 5, driving like an Audi an Audi r 8 with, like, 800 horsepower and fucking smoking everyone in the champion not in online playing, in online gaming, but in, like, the career mode. And yeah.

Without with 0 skill, like, fucking breaking super early or super late and, like, getting out of the truck, but still catching up in the streets, essentially. So, essentially, I would hang out outside, but also inside. I I outside with these kind of people, with these friends that sometimes would come to to to my organization, I guess. But some but they weren't there a lot, I guess, all the time, and I also I went to, like, I guess, people from the school to hang out with them or wherever. I went to school and all that stuff, I guess.

And, yeah, I don't remember much of it. I guess I was a little kid. I do remember school and, yeah, I I never disliked school, and I was good at it. And, yeah, that early, I don't think there are, like, a lot of things to deduce or forever, but I was good at school. I always got good marks.

The one you're that little, I guess, it it doesn't matter. But yeah. And then I was kept going to school and just I did well. I remember Yeah. In my 1st years of school, I guess I always did well and all that.

And then I remember the. Yeah. My teacher in 5th grade and 6th grade, which in Spain is essentially when you're, like, 11 or 12. Yeah. 10, 11, 11, 12, just before high school.

High school is like 12, 13, I think. So just before high school, those for those 2 years, I had a a teacher that I liked a lot. And yeah. And, yeah, I credited her with making me with the good part of, like, giving me confidence on something and all this and also the bad part of, like, the gift gifted kid, syndrome or whatever, which is essentially that she made me believe that I was smart. Right?

Not sure why, but I guess I because I work because I was and I could do like the tasks that you were given fast. And I did them. And so, yeah, from school, I remember I remember hanging out with people and I I I always liked the people I hung out with, and I think something that my mom tell tells me was weird, I guess, for her is that I was always hanging out well, not hanging out, but in the same class as the same people. Because I've from kindergarten to, like, even, like, the the last years of high school, I kind of knew everyone, I guess. It was basically it the same cohort of people pretty much.

Or like they was there was a big core group of, like, the same cohort of people. That doesn't mean that we were, like, super close or that I don't really think so because, yeah, we just step this step drifted apart and all that. But I do see them for I will have them added on Instagram and all that, and they yeah. And I think that they do have between some of them do have, like, closer relationships and that when told go back, like, really way back, like, when they were, like, 5 years old, for example. And I I, for example, still hang out with a friend, and I'm pretty close with someone who, yeah, I know from when I was 5 years old, I on and I guess one of my best friends also I knew from when I was, like, that small.

That doesn't mean that we were close back then, but, yeah, but, yeah, we were, like, in the same cohort, and we grew up, like, altogether until, like, essentially, really late high school or, yeah, or, like, mid high school because in high school, you split and you have to, like, choose, some kind of different subject. So sometimes you get split. But, yeah, essentially, I went through through school with a lot of the same faces, I guess. So it was, I guess, like, pretty for me, it was essentially all a big, I guess, continuum of things with without a lot of change, I guess, without a lot of variety or something like that. It was pretty straightforward, I guess.

Predictable. I don't know. I don't know how you call it. Comfortable also because yeah. Because I don't know.

I like them. I like these people, I guess. But yeah. But also, you you can tell that yeah. It it's not like a super close friend group that stays super close all until high school.

It was essentially like people who you see every day and who you have seen every I remember, for example, the birthdays of many of them. The year because they are the same year of my as my as myself but also the birthday because I when you're like 5 years old, you get taken to that person's birthday party and so on and so on and like I'm I'm at and, like, up until your parents stop deciding that who comes to your birthday party. Right? You went to their birthday parties. So I remember a lot of birthdays.

And because at school, people would, like, bring stuff or and, like, we would, like, sing happy birthday to each other, I guess. I don't know. I don't remember. My birthday was in summer, so I never cared a lot about it, and I also didn't really celebrate my birthday all that often. I did I celebrated a couple times, aka, my parents celebrated a a couple celebrated it a couple of times but not every time.

But yeah. I, yeah, I essentially it's that that that thing of, like, having this like, knowing these same people a lot of the time and also knowing that, I guess, is like people drift apart and like when when your parents stop organizing organizing the birthdays, like, you don't get invited because of stuff and yeah. It's not like I hold grudges, but it's stuff that you notice, I guess. And yeah. I don't know.

And that's how you learn it in my case. Because maybe in other people's cases who, like, switch up schools a lot, it's like they have this sense of not belonging because of never like really getting to know someone or something. That's why in my case it's because I've I kind of see, stuff like fizzle out or whatever. I don't know. I guess it's like a different perspective.

I don't know. I don't have, like, really a lot of commentary about this. I simply it's kind of some something I've noticed, I guess. I'm not trying to blame anyone for not inviting me to their birthday or whatever. I don't like, I don't remember any instances or any particular instances of someone, of me, for example, being traumatized because I wasn't invited to someone's birthday.

I heard about it, the next day or I don't know. Those kind of scenarios, I don't remember. Right? But I do remember the the day of their birthdays and yeah. For people who that I, for example, don't wish a happy birthday right now, but I remember the birthdays.

And that's what I mean with people that I've known for a long time, you know, because it's like those really early moments really, I guess. And I also know the first names and their second names and their, like, surnames because in Spain, we have 2 surnames. So I remember, like, their surnames as well because there are people that you've shared shared like this so many years, so many the with the same people that I know their like, their names, like, essentially as as like mine because I've heard them so many times and seen them written in cards or whatever or yeah. I don't remember. Maybe when you're that small, you don't really see them a lot.

But, yeah, it's people that I even though I don't have a lot of contact with, I know their names and I know their birthdays and all that because of the of this kind of being growing up with them, essentially, being at school a lot with them. Then yeah. So I don't know. People wise. Yeah.

It's that it's that thing. I know I've known a lot of people for a long time, but the people I've been close with have have switched a little bit. For example, the group, I know all of these names and all that. I know the birthdays. Well, I know.

Yeah. It's like I know, like, these people from when I was, like, very small, and then I still remember the birthdays of the people that came after, for example. Even though I also lost contact with them, I still remember the birthdays. But it's, like, really less ingrained that the the birthdays from the people on on the other side, I guess. And, yeah, essentially, there was like this stage of hanging out with people, but that this was really parent oriented.

You know, it's like your parents kind of talk with each other for you, for you to, like, see them see each other. You know, it's like if you see yourselves outside of school, it's because kind of your parents organizing it. You know, it's I don't I don't remember saying myself to myself, to my parents or something, I want to hang out with x. I don't remember saying it. Maybe I did.

Maybe I didn't. I don't remember. And I assume, like, the same thing happened. You know? It's like you're small.

You don't really don't I don't know. Maybe some people do remember being like, I don't want to hang out with x or I really don't like someone. Maybe people. And I did. I do remember having written stuff like I hate, some or someone or whoever.

And then it turned out that, for example, years later, we are still friends or something like that maybe. I don't know. But, yeah, there was this stage of hanging out with people, with these friends that I know for for a while and that I would like and I I do think they're good good people and all that, but, well, yeah, I haven't talked with them in a while. I know they've done, like, a couple of high school reunions. Well, high school middle, like, yeah, middle school reunions or whatever.

But, yeah, some for some, I couldn't go. And, yeah, some, I really don't know if they happened or not and or they got, like, canceled. I don't know. But, yeah, essentially, I haven't seen them in a in a really long way. But I kind of keep up with them on on on on social.

I know, for example, one of them is was studying law and that now is working, I guess. I assume working on some kind of law thing. I know that I'm another one is like a a doctor. It was like a kind of rocky path, I guess, because it wasn't like it being a doctor is, like, fucking long as fuck. I guess it takes super long.

I took, like, a fuckload of time for my degree to get my degree, but, yeah, but but my degree was like shit. So it's not like a a doctorate degree, I guess. Yeah. I think I know that I know there is also another different kind of doctor. Yeah.

Another is my friend. And some I've lost more track of. Yeah. It's hard to yeah. No.

There is well, did some kind of translation thing, I think. Then another one. I I don't know what he's doing right now. Yeah. Other couple of 2 I think are doing some fitness things.

Yeah. Essentially, I kind of I'm familiar with, but I'm not really close with them. But, yeah, I'm familiar, and I've I just kept up. And if they told me I I'm doing x thing, I would be like, oh, yeah. I think I saw or something like that.

Like, I it wouldn't be like super surprising because I think I've, yeah. I see. I've seen what it what they would what they've been doing, I guess. And yeah. For example, if I were to ask I guess this is not a question you asked, but, like, who do you hang out with?

It's like I would kind of already come more or less guess because I've seen, like, them their Instagram stories or whatever, like or them they post some vacation with x kind of people. You know? So people I've seen I would I've seen people that I don't really know of of at all. So I I would guess, like, those are for the people that went to, like, law school or like, medicine. They would be, like, from the from college, but I've also seen, like, other people from that I do know.

And I would be like, oh, you've kept in contact with them and them, or and stuff like that. You know? These things. And, I was getting at these are the people I hung out with in middle school. And at the end of middle school, I had this teacher that I liked a lot and that made me believe in myself and that I was kind of worth something, I guess.

But also with the counter side with the counterpart of like, yeah. I guess when you lose the thing that made you worth something, you become worthless again. Right? So, yeah, it's not like I was struggling with sense of self worth before that. Right?

You know? I was just simply being a child. And then I got, like, placed into this category thing that I think helped me grow in some senses and, like, exposed me to different places and all that. Basically, she believes that I was smart, so she told took me to, like, I guess, AP classes, but it's not like really integrated in the system like AP classes are. It's essentially just as aft an after school thing for people who are smart.

I guess she had kind of heard about it, and I went there. So yeah. I yeah. That was an interesting stage, and it was like one of those places where you're like, fuck. People are really smart out there.

You know? It was like, if I believe that I'm smart yeah. It's like it really humbles you. It's like, you know, no. You you're not.

You're just kind of yeah. You're essentially maybe a little bit, in the bell bell curve, a little bit in the smart side, but, yeah, you're not in the good parts of the in the, like, top parts of the bell curve. You're really like upper mid, maybe. And because, like yeah. There will really, like, people with, like, actually actual, like, awards for being smart and shit like that.

You know? For, like it was a math kind of math school. So, yeah, they would have, like, little awards of winning competitions of, math things, the competitions that I kind of, I guess, in my school when when there was, like, a kind of math competition and I qualified, I you know, in that after class school, I saw the people that had won other years. You know? So I went like, yeah.

I qualified because my in my school, I I was maybe top 3 of the people who did it or because my math teacher liked me. But I've seen, like, the actual people who are good at this, you know, and they've won the price the actual competition that I barely got into. Right? It gives gave me, like, that perspective, and it was interesting. Yeah.

It was a nice nice experience. And, also, I've learned I learned stuff and I guess I yeah, I kind of like feel this connection to, I guess, math that other people maybe feel the opposite. Many people are like averse to math while I have this kind of connection and liking of math. Even if I don't really practice it, I do respect math out, and I do like it. And, yeah, and I think my my way of thinking has been shaped by that in in some kind of ways, I guess.

So, yeah, it humbled me, but also gave me gave me some interesting thoughts. And I got to meet interesting people and, yeah, smart people. And, yeah, also, like, these smart people are also, like, regular people. You know? So it's like you see them being, like, hanging out and being normal, and you're like, oh, there are some that are normal.

Just also really smart. Yeah. I don't know. It's like you get it gives you more perspective. It's one of those things that yeah.

Both. Yeah. Because if you, I guess, got into this kind of elite place and everyone is super elite and super strange, it's like you started to look down on normal people, I guess. But when you see that smart people are also normal people, you're like, okay. There are also other normal people who are, I guess, not as good as math not as good as you in math, but who are also, like, normal people, and quietly just, like, doing their best on on shit.

It's like, no, it's not this big competition. Everything is not this big competition. You can just like like math, for example, for what it is. Or you can just but maybe they don't and they like other stuff for what it is, I guess. I don't know.

It gives you perspective, I think. And having someone believing you like that is, like, interesting and, like, care about you in this way of, like, going out of their way to recommend you this place and to do their research and to yeah. That that is a nice feeling to have. I'm a nice, I guess, person. So that's why that that's someone I hold dear to me, for example, to my heart.

And to money. I'm grateful for having having my life. And also in those years, I also liked our girl from Bulgaria that she went and she went back to Bulgaria. So that was, I guess, my my first crash or something like that. And yeah.

And, yeah, I guess, that and she taught me, like, Cyrillic, the alphabet, and I learned it then. And I kind of I, yeah, I still can more or less read some Cyrillic. There are some the difficult letters and the letters that that are different between Bulgarian, Russian, and Ukrainian. I can't really tell which ones are different, and I maybe could not point out, like, what which sounds are which or when you use, like, the double dots. Sorry.

For example but, yeah, I know from the for from then, and I've had, I guess, some interest in that world, in the Cyrillic world Cyrillic writing world since then, I guess, some kind of like yeah. Back in back of my mind interest in that since then. And, yeah, I don't know. I don't I I haven't mentioned it, I guess, but I do like cars. I've always liked cars.

I don't remember exactly where that came from, but when I was a kid, like, my favorite toy was playing with cars, and I have buckets of cars. I also played with Legos, but, like, built cars with Legos, and those were kind of, like, my my thing to do with, like, Legos to play with were like cars. And I don't know. Gran Turismo, I mentioned Gran Turismo, Gran Turismo is a car game, so I liked these kind of cars. I don't know.

I always tell this anecdote I'm not sure if it's false or real, but I like to think it's real. And this that my first word because I've been told to this anecdote, but I'm not sure if I'm misremembering or maybe I haven't I why I was told as a joke. I don't know. But I prefer to believe it's real, that my first word was Renault, like the car brand Renault, because we saw it on, like, a car commercial. And then we've had it Renault ever since.

Well, a couple of Renault. So, yeah, I like it. I like the anecdote, And I like to think that it was like some kind of spark that that was planted there from the very beginning. And I've kind of kept making cars since. This is a book I've had for a while.

I'm not sure exactly when, but it says it's from 2,004, but maybe it was bought later. But, yeah, That's my name. That's my name, by the way. Juan. I have more names.

And it's essentially this kind of encyclopedia of cards. And yeah. It has, like, a lot of cards and some descriptions, and I flipped through this book like a 1000000 times. I I I've been not sure if I've read it read it cover to cover, but, yeah, I know a lot of stuff over this book, and I've definitely, like I've, like, read it enough or, like, flipped through it enough that I know that some articles, for example, the alphabet, I think no. The langciabetta.

That article is, like, badly written. So the the copy from that article is like the copy from the previous article, and there are a couple of ones that got treated up like that. Yeah. For example, the Lancia 1 HF. Oh, no.

Okay. I look. There here. The Lancia section is completely fucked up. So in the Flavia section, you you start to hear about the one, the the 1.8, the 1.6 h f.

And in the Stratos, well, in the Stratos, you hear about the beta and in the, 1.6 h f section, you read about the start the stratos, like the copy is all like one spot, covered up. And I I still remember that because I flipped through this so much. I don't know. I, that was kind of like the thing I liked to do, I guess, like flip through stuff and like, yeah, get a lot of information from like, yeah, very varied information, I guess. I don't know.

I like that a lot. Also, in Gran Turismo, there are a lot of cars and I like like flipping through the used car store to see, like, which ones. And there were, like, a lot of versions of the same car, and I thought it was it was cool to see. I like seeing the variety, and I liked like learning all the car brands. And I liked, yeah, knowing the logos of all car brands.

And I liked recognizing the cars outside and all that. And I still do. I like car spotting and I still watch some car spotting videos every once in a while and follow a lot of car spotting accounts. And before that, because the that kind of school of, like, math I started in middle school, but in middle school beef before that, I I think I was always doing something outside of school, but I don't exactly remember what when I was in middle school. I don't think it was language classes because when I was very small, like 4 to 6 years old, I did go to, like, language classes on Saturdays to a Japanese school.

And, yeah, back then, I think we didn't have as much money or as much time, so we we could only go on Saturdays and then we stopped going. I don't remember why. Probably because of the hassle because it was in a town kind of far away. Well, not a town. It's kind of a middle, more a town city that was, like, yeah, I guess, 30 kilometers away, so you had to you had to always drive there.

And it's the classes started early, I guess, so you have to, like, wake up a little early, and it's a holiday. Yeah. I guess it stopped being practical, So I don't really know a lot of Japanese. But, yeah, I learned some of some Japanese there and met a lot of half Japanese kids like me. Well, a lot.

Several, I guess. And and I kept in contact. Well, my mom kept in contact with someone else's mom for a while. And, yeah, I guess yeah. I still remember his name, his full name because like me he has like Spanish name, Japanese name, Spanish surname, and Japanese surname so I remember his or his also his first name and, yeah, his Spanish first name, his Japanese second name, his Spanish surname, which is pretty long, actually, and his Japanese surname.

I remember that. And I remember where he lived. Like, it was a he, for example, had to go a way longer way than I do because I live at least in the same province of Madrid, but he lived in another province. Yeah. So he his Saturday drive was, I guess, pretty longer.

And he played piano like crazy, I think. And he had like yeah. When we were that age, so, like, 6 years old or, like, 4 or 5 4 to 5, 6 years old, he was like, he played piano, like, really good, really well. And then after not not not going there, but still getting in contact and seeing each other somewhat in a while, he would still play and he would, like, play, I guess, decent sized auditoriums and not this shit. It was interesting.

Yeah. He he was a yeah. He was a cool dude. His dad was also, like, pretty scholarly, I think. Wrote books and stuff like that, I think.

And Yeah. I don't know. I remember the family, and I think in those times when I was smaller, I do think my dad took us to see family more often. And, yeah, I think we saw cousins and my grandparents, the Spanish ones, like more often and also we went to Japan I guess not often I will I've been to Japan twice in 2,008 and 2013 But, yeah, for example, from 2013 till now, I haven't been to Japan once. My mom has, but I haven't.

So it's like, I guess they can try to keep in contact, but then yeah. I guess in my older compared to my older life, I think I did see my family more in my younger years, I guess. And yeah. I don't know. I wanted to make that comment.

Yeah. Even then, I still have taking that into account, I do think that even then well, when I had consciousness, I think there was there were stages where I wasn't conscious of a lot of stuff. So for example, when I was just a kid hanging out with my cousins, I don't know, I was just a kid hanging out with my cousins, you know, I didn't I wasn't really conscious of stuff, you know, I, I don't know. I didn't feel, like, too isolated, I guess, or anything like that. But I don't know.

You eventually you start, like, realizing stuff. And I when I started realizing stuff, I don't remember exactly when. That's the thing. But I I would assume when high school and all these times, when you start kind of pay paying more attention to social dynamics, I guess. Before that, I was kind of more oblivious to stuff.

And after that, I kind of, I guess, started noticing, like, which cousins hung out with them with each other more or, like, who would independently hang out with each other more, I guess, when you can start arranging stuff you by yourself. Like, who did that? And I guess I I noticed that. And, yeah, and I guess I've always and from then on, I think I've always felt like a little bit like I'm less of a part of a family, I guess, because, Yeah. I feel like there are other I maybe it's maybe it's not that that right, the right thing to not to not to feel, but it is what I feel.

But, yeah, maybe it's actually completely inaccurate, and the the relationships between each other are actually as weak as my relationship with with them are, and it's essentially weak all all around. But yeah, I don't know. I feel like there are between siblings from between my parents siblings, there are like a lot more close siblings than my my father is with others. You know? So, like, other other siblings of his between each other are much closer between each other than he is to, like, each of them, like to, like, neither of them or like either of them or whatever.

You get it. Right? So I've I feel like yeah. I'm, yeah, I'm less in the loop in these kind of things. Also, I feel like also, in addition to that, whatever he finds out, my my dad, he doesn't as easily transmit it down.

Now maybe more, but before, I think he didn't really do that. And so I felt like like I didn't really care, you know, because if you don't get fed the information, it's like and he doesn't, I guess, yeah, and I guess he also doesn't, like, mine for it so I've never thought of mining for it myself either. I don't know. So for example, how's my grandma? I haven't seen my grandma in a long time, and I don't know how she is.

I assume she's right because if she was wrong, I think my dad would transmit it, you know, but but I'm not sure. And but I don't really, like, have the, I don't know, the will to ask in case, like, there's something going, like, there's something showering there or something. I don't know. I don't want to, like, get into that And yeah. So I stay aside even if I do would even if I would like to know.

I I'm not, like, capable of organizing it bit by myself. Well, I'm it's not that I'm not capable, but it's that the steps that I need to take to organize it by myself have to go through my dad, and I don't really like to, like, mess with their his relationship with people and all that. So yeah. Yeah. So, essentially, this is kind of my, I guess, my relationship with Amir here.

And with my mom. It's it's like similar, but yeah. But even more reliant on my mom because I don't even speak, like, the language. And there are, like, even less roundabout ways of doing things. Because, for example, even if, like, the obvious next nexus between my family and me is my dad, I there are also roundabout tasks, and I could, like, ask, ex cousin to ask their parent to ask.

Yeah. There are there could be roundabout ways of doing it in the event of but Yeah. But yeah. But we were more, for example. Yeah.

Well, in that case, it's like they feel like roundabout why would I take at the roundabout when the main way is there, But I don't want to go the main way. You know, it's like this kind of contradiction, contradictory feelings. And yeah. But with my mom, there is not there is like there is even less of our own way. And I, yeah, I, it's like really difficult than I would.

It's like basically impossible. Like, the difficulty is much harder. And I don't know. Okay. I think this covers early life, I guess.

And I probably overlapped some high school within. So, yeah, I guess continuing with that high school. Yeah. I guess in high school, I kind of, I guess, internalized more the fact that I'm smart or the gifted kid thing. And I guess I don't want to say brag about it, but it became like more of part of, I guess, what I made my identity, being smart, just like doing well at school.

So and yeah. Not only that, but without effort. So I didn't think I consciously really made this decision to, like, communicate that I didn't put effort in for clout, but I do think that I communicated it because, I guess, it was kind of like the defining characteristic of it. You know? I I wanted it to be clear that that it is not because I'm putting out of effort in.

It's because I'm smart. You know, it's like not in a braggadocious way or like flexing on some one way, but because, like, this is my truth, I guess. You know? It's like this is how it happened. So these are the facts.

It's kind of like revealing the facts thing. I don't know. It's like pay attention or do something with that information. Do do with that information, whatever you want, but know that that those are the facts, I guess. So, yeah, I will say, like, yeah, I didn't take a lot of, like, I did this yesterday or, like, yeah, I didn't I barely studied for the exam.

I only studied, like, yesterday night. Usually, I would do these things. I I would I I would say that say these things, I think. I don't think I'd really bragged about it or whatever, but I would get good marks without a lot of effort, not to essentially, like, the thing I did. So that's why yeah.

So I have a lot of freedom after school, I guess, always. I always had, like, a lot of time after school school because I never did anything, at home because I always try to do, like, the most possible amount of things at school in the quickest amount of time, so I had the least amount of homework homework. And, yeah, I also don't have, like, discipline to do stuff outside of school because of that because I don't I never did it. I always did everything as quickly as I could in school and studied the least amount of time possible. I didn't I I saw yesterday a video about procrastination and something like that, and he talked about how being a good student means not getting good marks at school, which I did, but making study a phase of your life, you know, making integrating the the study part in your life.

And I didn't do that. I wasn't a good student in that sense. You know? I integrated study at school or I yeah. I did essentially, when it worked for me, it's because I was doing it at school.

So at school, I was giving it my all, I guess. Well, not my all, but, yeah, I was paying attention in class, essentially. I didn't have problems with paying attention in class, a lot of problems with paying attention in class. Or, like, the attention that I paid paid in class was enough to, like, get me there. While other people, for example, did have a lot of problems paying attention in class and like were like, I guess, noisy or like like to talk a lot or, like, even played games at school.

And in the in the consoles, for example, I wasn't like that. I paid attention in class. So I was a good student in that sense in that there's the way I had it organized worked for me, but I'd never built my life around the fact that I was a student. So I wasn't a good student in that sense. I didn't, like, make the purpose of my existence to do schoolwork.

I made it the opposite of that. I made the purpose of my existence to, like, do the least amount of schoolwork possible in the hours of my time. You know? But in the hours of school time, I did do school work, and I paid attention in class. And yeah.

You know? And like, yeah, I did. I always did the things. I just did them quickly. And it yeah.

And that's and as as you get given, if someone says you have to do these bits of homework for tomorrow, I was already like doing them or like anticipating them, that kind of stuff, I guess. And also. Yeah. I don't know. I more or less that around my school, my beats around school.

I think that by the way I'm talking about this, it's clear that there was there will be a point where it no longer worked. So it is kind of something I regret in that sense, but I also it was how it played out. I didn't really care for it, so I didn't yeah, so I didn't build study into my life. I wasn't a good student in that sense. Like some people who like or for example, in Asia, actually, a lot of people seem to, like, have ingrained that, oh, no.

From this year's to this year's, you are going to be studying. Like, studying is your life. You know? So it's like in school, pay attention. After school, do homework and review.

And because if you want to get into that school, you will have to do that. I wasn't like that. I I didn't even think about university, I think, a lot. I want oh, actually, some things I do. I wanted the things that I wanted to be throughout life.

I think I wanted to be a racing car driver. And then I got this idea that I wanted to be like some kind of mechanical engineering, essentially, because mechanical engineer because I didn't really know what it was. So, yeah, I had paid the picture in my head was kind of doper, I guess. Also, f one mechanic. You know?

It's like it's it went like this way. Rally driver, I realized I can't try because I wear glasses and my parents said that I said use that as an excuse when it's probably was the money. But, yeah, they use both excuse excuses, I guess. Like, no. You can't go into driving school because you're not rich and because you wear glasses.

I think I probably the rich thing was more like way way more relevant. But yeah. That and then I wanted to be like, so if I can drive, at least let me be close to the car. Right? So I was like, make f one mechanic, and I have, like, some kind of article of a newspaper that talked about how to be an F1 mechanic.

And I have like that scrap somewhere and stored somewhere. I don't remember when, but probably, like, in my file somewhere. And then that kind of also sounded unrealistic or something like that or, like, I don't know. And I went in and I wanted to be like a mechanical engineering because I was watching, I guess, videos online of out from a mechanical engineering explaining how cars work, and I liked that. So, yeah, I wanted to be like that, and that's what I studied.

So, yeah, I never had a lot of trouble following the path of school because I kind of had this in the back of my mind. No. Yeah. I'm going to do science stuff. Yeah.

At school yeah. In high school, for example, I had a teacher, a drawing teacher, that was like, aren't you, like, too theoretical to do these kind of practical studies? And I didn't get what he meant. I now know what he meant because, indeed, I think he was onto something. Because, for example, mechanical engineering is fuck which is what I did study, is fucking it's all super practical, like, in the sense that nothing like, very little of the theory of what is going on is actually explained, but you are simply, like, given the model, and the model is supposed to, like, make to and you're essentially taught how to, like, use that model to get practical results.

So for example, someone tells you, okay. The formula for a screw for the forces that hold a screw is 7.5 square root of k sub x divided by, x and x is the length of the, yeah, of the screw. And you're like, okay. But why the fuck is there a 70 point a 7.5 there? Why the fuck is this square root there?

What is k sub x? Who the fuck invented that? You know, you'll get, like, all these questions and very little answers for those. So there are some kind of there is some kind of path of what models do what and. Yeah.

And I guess some experimental corrections of of models before. So for example, some model just takes into account the force the vertical force. So you use that, But some other model afterwards realized that, oh, actually there is some, force, going from side to side that we hadn't taken into account in that model. So that's what k sub x stands for. You know, so you get some extra expansion for some things, but because there are a lot of things, you never get, like, every explanation for everything, and it's fucking it it is pretty crazy, I guess.

It is pretty annoying to study something like that and only studying, like, the lower level part and you knowing that there are so many higher level things that are not being, like, told to you. That is kind of and having to, like, rote memorize stuff like that, that is not that does not translate into really, I guess, feeling like, you know, shit. You know? I guess that's my problem. I don't, like, really feel that I know fucking screws just by knowing this kind of stuff.

You know? I feel like it is, like, just one step above someone who fucking doesn't know anything about screws but who just plays around and relationship. It feels one step above it and without the intuitive understanding that playing around with shit gives you. You know, it's like the worst of both worlds. It's like too theoretic, too theoretical, to know good shit, the good shit that comes with intuitive understanding and like playing with it and too little theoretical, like, to know to actually know the science behind shit.

I feel like that's that's my impression. I guess it's a long degree for years. There are a lot of different subject. There are a lot of different things, blah blah blah. But, essentially, that that is my feeling.

And I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. And also some, some things like me having to redo a subject 3 times, probably has something to do with that, with those feelings. And if I had passed it early, I could be like, oh, yeah.

These are some easy models that you just learn for, for half a year and you forget, but you kind of get the gist of it and stuff. But yeah. Because I had to do it 3 times, it's it wasn't half a year. It was like fucking 3 years. Yeah.

But but yeah. So, yes, essentially, after high school, I did mechanical engineering, and these are my feelings on mechanical engineering. Yeah. In high school, I had a teacher who told me like this, oh, this theoretical thing maybe wouldn't you like more something more theoretical? And I was like, I'm set I'm already set on, like, mechanical engineering.

I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Oh, I I also think he was conscious of the fact that this is this will be coming probably after this video. But with, I talk about, like, prestige in universities and all this. And I I went to the least prestigious school of, relatively prestigious and everything in Spain, which is not a lot which is not which is not really prestigious worldwide, I guess. In Europe, I guess it's acceptable, but it's not really prestigious worldwide.

But, yeah, essentially, I went to, like, this least prestigious school which has an history of being this technical part. And I think my teacher knew that, but I guess he wasn't really really pushy about it. He wasn't like, oh, you deserve elite. He was just like, oh, you know, you seem to know what you want, I guess. He I yeah.

I assume that's what like he's to he's thinking was. He was he pushed back a little bit. He was like, don't you think you want a little more theoretical, a little more what? Because I think he saw me more of a math kind of guy, you know, and I and it probably would have been a good intuition, I guess. And, yeah, in high in university, my university stage, I, yeah, I the first the first couple of years were decent.

I think I failed one subject, so I was already feeling like, oh, I have to, like, start studying. But then in my 3rd year, I failed a lot of subjects, like, maybe 8 out of 10 subjects. So I had to essentially redo the 3rd year or, like, the second half of the 3rd year or something like that, and that was pretty devastating for me. I was yeah. I don't know.

I really felt into a rat. So, yeah, I felt like I was overwhelmed and, like, I had to do way more than I needed. And, yeah, and I wasn't as smart as I thought and all these things and had really bad thought loops and and that I had to get my shit together. And I think that's when I started with my knowledge path or my knowledge management path, I guess, with my taking notes and bullet journaling and, like, trying to get organized type of thing. I would like, fuck.

I need to get my head together. That was kind of my that kind of stuff. And also I wanted and that was kind of when a friend of mine who wanted to go to in the last most to Germany got me thinking into that as well because I also wanted to, like, get the fuck out, and I also did that. So I went in there. And, yeah, in university, I was part of a motorcycle racing club, but they do like, the guys but I was, like, the part the guy who made the motorcycle.

You know? The guy it we weren't the racers. We were the guys who made the motorcycle. And, yeah, it was nice. It was a nice experience.

I think I have I have stuff to say, I think. I think I've made videos about it, but I will show you picked up now. Yeah. I think I learned, like, how you make stuff. I'm so there are good things.

The good things are that yeah. You learn the processes and all that comes with making an actual thing in real life. I did learn some parts about business in strategy in the sense that I did end up doing my final year well, my my degree project my end of degree project about that and about, like, the economics of how scaling something like that would go. So, yeah, I did learn some stuff around that. But, yeah, I think overwhelmingly, the thing that I get is, like, some kind of sense of regret of not having been more involved, of not, like, taking it more seriously, I guess.

Or not that more seriously, but, yeah, of, like, working harder at finding where I fit in, I guess, because I kind of got pushed around and I accepted that, I guess. I I was like, yeah. I don't really know what I'll do. I can help here. I can help here.

And, yeah, I helped in the ways I can, but because I was kind of pushed around, I didn't feel like it was my thing. So I didn't do my best fully in every in every in every part. And, yeah, I feel so so I feel kind of like it was a mediocre kind of stay, and I don't like feeling mediocre. I like feeling elite. So I don't know.

It was bad in that sense. But, yeah, I do like but but, yeah, but I've seen the potential that there is in that and the the things that you learn, and I've seen what the people who took it seriously, what they are doing, and some of them are really achieving interesting stuff. And and seem to be like doing shit. They're interested in it. It's cool to see that.

And I saw, and it's nice to see it. And I got to see a lot of things that I wouldn't have seen that close, for example, stuff like pit lanes or like how racing works and how low level racing works. So for example, the base categories, how that is and seeing yeah. Being in contact with different kinds of people, like business owners and all that. Yeah.

It's like I got a little bit of a taste of many things, and I the regrets are in not getting a deeper taste in the things, a deeper taste in the things of that. I felt savory, I guess, for using for keeping using keeping using that metaphor. Yeah. There are a lot of what if I had, blah blah blah. There what if I had what if I had what if I had Yeah.

For example, if I doubled the amount of stuff, I did the social media part. I was involved in that. I was involved in writing in technical writing of the documents. I was involved in some calculations of a powertrain, but pretty low level. I was involved in, yeah, I guess, in just regular mechanic things of changing tires and all these, but not super.

So I wasn't, like, the main person who did that. So it was always like that. You know? He was kind of involved in, but never who was, like, the person, like, cutting the you know, like really handling shit. And then after college.

Yeah. Through that, through people I knew there, I got an internship in another. Hey, it it's through the, it's half half it's through people I knew there. I I kind of I I did give them some kind of resume for them to, like, get there, but I also, like, applied through through the regular ways, and I got called through the regular ways, I guess, through a phone and all that. And I passed, like, the regular interviews, but I think part of me having someone there, giving my resume was helpful, I guess.

And, also, I found out about that company in the first place because of people there. So, yeah, it was interesting. I had an interest internship there. I didn't like it. This was in COVID.

So, yeah, I found it interesting in the sense that I was working in aerospace, and I liked seeing aerospace stuff and, like, talking about aerospace stuff and doing, like, some calculations and all these things. But overall, I didn't like the the fact that it was research and development. I liked that in theory, but in practice, I didn't. You know? It is like shit that is not going to be real in a lot of in a lot of scenarios, and you feel super pointless.

You feel like you are doing shit. That doesn't matter. Yeah. And I felt like, yeah, I felt like I didn't matter and that I was, like, really replaceable and, yeah, and then that and that I was being evaluated in amount of words instead of, like, content of words. You know?

So it was like, why are we doing this just to get paid by the state, some stuff, just to get paid by the bigger company, just to win some research and development contracts or something like that. I don't want to work like like this. You know? And I was also being paid shit. It was like I was being underpaid and overpaid at the same time.

I felt like I was useless and replaceable, but also, like, what I was doing was I could be I had to be paid way more to, like, keep doing this, to, like, keep being fake. It's like being fake should at least give me more money, like, give me more money. Right? It's like if you're if you all are scamming, at least get me on it. Great.

Get me cut me a check. Cut me a part of it. Fuck it. Don't fucking leave me here. I guess that's the part of the scam that makes other people get more more money, but fuck it.

Fuck that. Great. I don't want to be part of this. That's where my internship, and my internship was after Germany, actually. So in Germany, when I was in Germany, I liked that period.

That that that's probably the period of my life where I I felt the prettiest, I guess. I had money because my parents gave me money to live there. I I had my space in my room. It was just a room and not a full flat, but I could cook at the times I wanted because I I'm in Spanish hours. So I kind of didn't really bother other people when they were cooking, I guess.

I could do my groceries all day. I could hang out. I was hanging out with a lot of new people and meeting new new people. So I was so I always kind of felt like I had something to do even when I was feeling kind of down, which I did, and feeling kind of alone, which I did, and missing, Spain, which I kind of did sometimes. I don't know.

There was there was still some kind of sense of, I don't know, of that there were good problems to have, I guess. Only, I think, after college well, not after college, but in my later years of college, while this thing was going on. This, yeah, my internship was going on. And from that from that point on, especially COVID after, I kind of yeah. Just I was spending a lot of time online, I guess, like everyone on COVID during COVID.

And, yeah, I guess I found this part of Twitter interesting, and I was writing more stuff in my journals and all that kind of thing coalesced. And I was also watching more YouTube and more stuff like that. And all that coalesced into, I guess, finding out about this web development thing and maybe kind of more online and more kind of thinking in those terms and thinking in terms of money and in terms of those kind of things. And in terms of of that, those things I have mentioned of being, like, more pure things, I started learning this computer stuff, which I guess is not that pure after if I wanted to be pure, I would have started it would have started like more real computing type stuff like C or something like this. I don't know.

But but, I don't know, it felt like a more abstract way of, like, of, like, making money, I guess. So I went into that, and I did kind of essentially finish a little bit of it, but essentially what it wasn't regulated were Reglado that we say in Spanish it's hard to say if I really finished and I didn't complete my 100 hours project so I guess it still isn't finished finished but, yeah, I kind of had this have this word diagram in standby and I do think I could I am going to go through it if what I'm currently doing doesn't work out and what I'm currently doing is just essentially fudging around online and maybe the thing that I said I'm going to announce soon, which is basically from YouTube consulting thing, I guess. And and doing writing online, something in this realm. This feels trivial to me, I guess, because I haven't talked about it a lot. I've mentioned that computers are a big part of my life and I've shown that thread, but yeah, essentially I did like games, like online games, like flash type games, casual.

Those casual games I liked a lot, and I played a lot of them, and I sunk a lot of hours into them. And yeah, I've kind of always liked those and I've kind of been fascinated by those and had this I want to do something with this feeling in my mind, but never actually went through the steps of like actually developing games or like learning development or anything like that. I've modded a little bit, but not modded, like installed mods on games, but so and I've kind of used, I guess, for example, for GTA 5, I've used this kind of RPF, not editor, but installers. And I've also opened the RPF files and seen what's inside them and, like, opened 3 d models. And I've done some 3 d modeling and all of this.

So, yeah, that's kind of been a part of my life. And I've also, like, made these YouTube videos for a long time. I started with my PSP and the PSP, it wasn't mine. It was like the house's PSP and doing stop motions of of my model cars of cars that I had. And, yeah, I eventually did more stuff that I watched, like loquendo, like text to speech, GTA videos, then some joke videos with my friends.

I've been part of sketches with another friend in their channels. I've helped other friends record their videos. I've edited some things, that kind of stuff. I don't know. I felt like I lost my juice for telling my story.

But that's that's a part of it I'm not sure if this is will be very helpful actually I don't know. Seeing books, I remember that when I was a kid, I liked books more. I was kind of into books and I liked encyclopedias and I liked seeing encyclopedias and I like browsing through them and I like dictionaries too. Now I I guess I don't really browse them or like don't think about that but, yeah, I like those I don't know. I'm sure I'm I'm sure I'm missing a lot of stuff.

It feels kind of incomplete. But There is also a sense of which in which is it complete by design. I am not telling some big parts of it, but. Because I don't want to. But there are also parts that I'm unintentionally forgetting, which kind of pains me because I don't know.

I don't know what will be the the right approach to do what I wanted to do with this video because as I said at the beginning, I wanted this video to be like, okay. I will rewatch this and sense something that could be that there could be alpha in, I guess. But I think it has to be done by another person. It doesn't make sense if I do it myself because I already know all of what I've said. I don't know.

I also feel like I've failed to mention all the things that I've tried and didn't succeed on. I haven't mentioned that I've played guitar for 7 years either, but that I don't consider myself good at guitar because I'm not. But that those were, like, one of those after school things that I did, guitar and, like, learning music musical language and that kind of stuff. It's called musical language in Spanish. Those classes were called, but I don't know how they're called in English.

I've also done some sports, but very little. Yeah. But I don't know. I it's like in the dichotomy of the people who are like, don't like sports, the jokes and the nerds, I was always more nerd, but I didn't ever felt, like, too nerdy, and I never felt like I hated sports. I just, like, didn't care for them.

You know? I didn't really care about football like people in my country do, or I didn't support any teams in particular. I kind of had an allegiance to 1 Real Madrid because my granddad is washed from that team, but, like, I don't give a shit, actually. No. I have friends from Atletico.

And because of their passion and all that, I I'm aligned with that team as well. It's like I don't have any allegiances. I can watch football, but I don't really feel it. Like, some people feel it in their bones or whatever. I'm just like, right.

It was interesting. I can see highlights and I can be impressed, but I don't really like watching the whole of it. Maybe if you could 2 x so much, I will watch it because this video, for example, is 90 minutes long, like a football match. But and I'm going to watch it probably. But.

And I don't know more, more stuff probably. I don't know. Maybe one day I will make some kind of 3 hours version of this, but actually going through my, like, my notes and all that, that would be interesting. But I wouldn't post that. I think that would be strictly for me because there are some things in my notes that I don't like to share, but I don't know.

I could do that and go through my tweets, like simultaneously go through my tweet, my Instagram posts, like all that, and see if I can get something like from it. I don't know. I guess if I don't do it, no one say no one else is. So I should but I don't know, I think I'm going to end it here I think I have more to say so yeah, this was a video from my 100 video series, this is video number 78, I think, the study of my life. I don't know.

Leave a comment or something. If you made it here, definitely leave a comment and say tell me something, if there's something that you want to say that you want me to tell. Watch more. This is a video from a 100 video series, so you can see it here and bye.